Maybe it’s because it’s my second pregnancy. Or maybe it’s because I spent only eight months not pregnant and everything from before is still so fresh.
My first pregnancy was so active, active in the sense that there was always something to be done, keeping the fact that I was pregnant in the forefront of my mind. There were baby items to purchase, books to read, a room to paint and put together, classes to go to, new things to learn that I had no clue about before. Now, here I am, freshly in my second trimester of my second pregnancy and I feel like I’m not even pregnant. This time does not consist of running around trying to make sure we have everything a baby could need. There are no newborn care classes to go to. Since I just gave birth at the end of January, all of our baby stuff is still out and even being used. Outside of buying some extra cloth diapers and a double stroller, there is nothing to do.
This lack of activeness in this pregnancy makes me forget that I’m even pregnant. I feel like normal, my appearance hasn’t even changed yet. If I hadn’t seen it for myself on an ultrasound I wouldn’t even believe it. I mean, come on, I never even stopped wearing my maternity leggings.
I can only hope that as I become more visibly pregnant, I begin to feel more involved and like it is real. There is just a strange disconnect and that makes me feel like a terrible person, even though I know that I love this baby.
I hope that I’m not alone in this feeling, though I find it hard to believe that I’m the first. I’m glad for this space to speak honestly and hopefully if anyone who reads is struggling or has struggled with similar feelings, you can find comfort in knowing that it’s a shared experience.
Yours in business and motherhood,